People attend a support group for a variety of reasons. Some feel a need to be with others who understand them. It is always a relief to discover that others have similar symptoms and similar experiences. Others simply want information; exchanging information, what helps, what doctor to go to, where to get the latest information, helps people move towards wellness. Then there are a few who need a night out. Whatever the reasons, people benefit from going to support groups. In fact, in many cases, the benefits are not what they go to find but other more valuable treasures such as good friendships, discovering ways to help others n the group, contributing by using gifts and talents at fundraisers and health promotion.

The points listed below can be used for any support group setting.

Caregivers:

The importance of support groups for caregivers can not be stressed enough. There is little attention given to the needs and challenges to those who care for family members or friends who are chronically ill.

Definition of Chronic Illness:

An illness that lasts a long period of time is called Chronic Illness. Generally, there are very slow changes in pain levels. The pain can be constant or intermittent. The illness does not necessarily get worse over time and the symptoms can fluctuate daily. Many chronic illnesses do not have obvious symptoms or signs, i.e. limp. They are often called Invisible Disabilities. Young children and teenagers can suffer from chronic illness.

Time of Diagnosis:

The anxiety and stress of not knowing what is wrong with a loved one is relieved when the doctor gives a diagnosis. Putting a name on the illness means an opportunity to educate family members and friends, especially the primary caregiver about the illness, its affects on the patient and on the family. Then the caregiver can take a more active part in the treatment program.

Because you may not know anyone in this situation, you feel all alone. However, you are not alone. There are many who are experiencing similar feelings and asking the same questions.

Caring for Yourself:

The level of care depends at least partially on the well-being of the caregiver. The feelings associated with caring for someone over a long period need to be recognized and worked through. Some of these feelings are:

Embarrassment - being uncomfortable when in public because of the reaction (staring, asking inappropriate questions) to the person you are caring for, for example, if she is wearing a mask.

Fear - of the unknown and ignorance about the disease can lead to picturing worse things happening then what really is going to happen.

Grief - the grieving process involves several stages; denial, depression, anger, bargaining and acceptance; the stages of grief can occur more than once, last for varying periods of time and even return.

Anger/frustration - a caregiver can get angry or frustrated at herself, the patient, the family, friends, medical professionals, and others.

Guilt - having guilt because you want to be free of the responsibility, experiencing feelings perceived as negative, etc. is normal.

Support for Caregivers:

Caregivers need to have emotional and practical support. The family, friends, or outside agencies may be of help in practical ways. However, they may not/cannot give emotional support. A support group made up of those experiencing similar feelings and challenges can offer much needed emotional support and practical advice.

Benefits of a Support Group:

- Expressing feelings in a safe and secure environment can help a person move forward, emotionally and mentally.

- Listening and acknowledging concerns frees the person to be more creative in finding solutions.

- There is usually more than one way to do things. Being open to alternatives may help you in practical ways as well as emotionally.

- Just knowing that there are others with the same kinds of problems and challenges gives encouragement and hope.

- Sharing information about the illness empowers support group members, information on various issues that come up as a result of caring for someone with chronic illness enables you to make wise decisions.

- Having professionals come in to share relevant facts helps educate caregivers about treatment programs.

- Knowing when the person you care about needs help and when she can do the activity by herself can free the caregiver of some responsibility and give the chronically ill (especially the young) independence, a support group can help you recognize these times.

Care giving is a demanding and often thankless task. However, positives can come from the experience. Getting to know the person you care for on a different level can develop a closer bond between you. It can bring all family members and friends into a closer relationship. This can happen as you learn to share responsibilities and facts about the illness. Being involved in a support group with people with common goals, challenges, and successes can be a way of making friends, developing a more positive way of dealing with your situation and move you and your loved one towards a brighter future.

Young People with Chronic Illness:

The number of young people with chronic illnesses has increased over the last five to ten years. There are some issues they face that people in their 30's to 50's generally do not. The struggle to complete an education, establish a home, have children, maintain employment, work in a profession are just some of the concerns that are affected by having a chronic illness.

Along with the physical challenges resulting from dealing with these events are the emotional components. A sense of hopelessness and helplessness can result from the limitations placed upon a young person. Fearing that there is no future or a limited future because of illness can lead to the desire to commit suicide or simply give up in general. Having to deal with loved ones who hurt for you can be very difficult. You feel the stress of pretending to be optimistic and excited about life.

Points to Consider before Starting a Young Person's Support Group:

There are a few ways that this support group differs from others.

- The leaders need to be of the same age group because only then can the group members feel totally comfortable.

- The age of those allowed to be members has to be settled before beginning, there are a number of differences in development between a 12 year old and an 18 year old or between an 18 year old and a 26 year old.

- Topics for discussion need to be thought out carefully in order to address the needs of the age group involved in the support group.

- No pressure can be put on concerning attendance, these young people are going through various adjustments because of age as well as because of illness and those changes will greatly affect attendance.

Seniors with Chronic Illness:

There are a few issues unique to seniors. These issues take on more significance when compounded by dealing with chronic illness.

Being dependent upon one's children for support; physically, emotionally, financially and in other ways can rob a senior of goals she strives towards all her life.

Loneliness caused by limited access to the outside world, being widowed, single or divorced, having no close family members or friends can be the biggest challenge facing seniors with chronic illness.

Limited monetary resources can also isolate a person. More importantly, lack of money causes great stress, keeps a person from taking good care of herself, and makes her feel vulnerable and powerless.

There are times when a doctor will take a senior's medical complaints too casually - as being signs of aging. Therefore, treatments that could improve her health are not tried and she suffers needlessly.

A senior may feel angry or betrayed because she is led to believe that her senior years will be free of these particular stresses (ill health, limited resources, and struggles to survive).

Obviously, the need of a support group for seniors is important.

Points for a Support Group for Seniors:

It is probably more difficult to get a leader of the age group we are discussing. Therefore, a person close to age is the next best thing. This person needs to have a number of the same experiences this age group has in order to lead effectively.

- One of the main needs is companionship with others who understand the stage of life the senior is in as well as the symptoms.

- There are probably many seniors who could attend meetings if there is someone to bring them, organizing a carpool may be a practical way to help.

- Touching is usually missing in a senior's life. Hugging, touching her hand, putting an arm around her shoulder may help more than any words, information or treatment plans.

- Phone calls may be more frequent as this person struggles through, be prepared. Seniors usually have more time to chat. You need to develop some guidelines for these situations - how long do you have for a conversation, when to recognize the time to recommend treatments, counseling, etc.

- Patience as the senior struggles to put her words together and process what you are saying.

Points to Starting a Support Group

by Shirley Soleil

Three points that need to be considered when starting a Support Group are as follows:

PURPOSE - a person thinking of starting a group needs to ask the question "What is the purpose of this group?" Is it to educate people with M.E./CFS, Fibromyalgia, and/or Environmental Illness? Is it an opportunity to promote certain conventional or alternative treatments? Or a place for you to lead and direct others into where you wish them to go? I lead a support group. I think that education and support are the key elements to the group. People who are suffering from one or more of these illnesses need information. They also need emotional support. The group seems to flourish with this kind of setup. Once in a while we have a guest speaker. Some people feel we should do this all the time. However, if this is the case, when do members get support from each other?

PREPARATIONS - What needs to be done to set up a group? You need a day, time and place to meet. Those are basics. But you also need enough health and willingness to be there to take phone calls and know when and where to send members for help that you can not give(legal, medical, counseling, etc.)

PROCLAMATIONS- What message are you going to proclaim? People are accepted only if they meet certain requirements set up by you? That only you say what will happen in a group meeting, what projects will be undertaken, etc. Or are you willing to find out what people can and will do for the group, accepting that people who are ill need not more judgement but real support?

Hopefully, you will be a group leader for the right reasons. I hope this helps you think over where you stand in terms of attitude towards others, what a support group is and make a decision that will help everyone.

Please note that you should always check with your doctor before undertaking any type of treatment.